February 24, 2021

Yet Another Update


    To all my dear readers: hello and welcome back to my blog - and my mind!


It has been a while, as usual. I still struggle with my mental illnesses, especially with the demons in my head which make life not enjoyable at all. Fighting against those voices in my head is tiring and energy-consuming. That is the reason why I often need to take a break from social media and my blog, unfortunately.

Those of you who follow me on here or on my instagram or any other social network may already know this. Due to recent events (which are not so recent, it has been a full year already) I decided to step back from instagram by deactivating my account. But, this decision will not prevail ad infinitum. In fact, plans to reactivate my account were already made, I am currently just waiting for my energy to skyrocket.

    Sharing my thoughts is my main goal for this blog


Being the rational person I am - apart from the mental illnesses I struggle with - I know that most people do not care about me. After all, I am just an adultescent (adult in name only with the mind of a teenager and unfortunately the body of a senior) with a rather boring life. Stating that less than a handful of people show long-term interest in me, my life and what I write about is adequate. But still I feel a need to share what is on my mind.

I could not care less about how many views my posts get, although it makes me beyond happy to see that real people read my blog. Do not get me wrong please, I would love my blog to be successful and reach a huge mass of people, as some of my posts are informational and maybe even helpful for others, but I do not write solely to gain fame or fortune. You may have noticed that I do not make money with this, I do not run advertisements on my blog and I am not sponsored by any brands or people.

This is just what I like to do. Sharing my thoughts is in a way therapeutic for me. And I love being creative. Another activity I adore is watching cats on the internet and if you fancy doing that, too, then please continue reading this post - you might spot two cuties!

    Depression made me do it - or rather not do it anymore


Apart from the fact that barely no one does truly care about what is going on in my life I still am going to share what is going on in my life. Much to my chagrin I stopped studying Applied Chemistry last year. I just could not handle the pressure with my mental health back then.

In September 2020 I started a prevocational education scheme to realign the idea of my future career as I need to find a job that does not drain my energy, creativity and lust for life completely. I would have loved to finish my studies, but my current mental state does not allow it. Now I receive help from professionals to cope with my psychic impairments and life in general. And it is going good so far, I guess.

    Experiencing further changes...


Another big change is... I am single again. I moved out of the apartment I had with my ex-boyfriend after he broke up, right into my own apartment - with the help of my lovely twin sister KayKay. My cats remained by my side and we are living our best life so far. To be fair, the parting did take a huge toll on me, but I am looking forward. There is no going back after all.

    ... and practicing self-care plus self-love with the help of Hayley Williams


Through therapy I have learned to put myself first in certain situations again. I am now practicing self love and self appreciation more often than ever, which is helpful for my mental health. One way to do so is listening to Petals For Armor, Hayley Williams' solo project.

Although I am biased because I simply adore Hayley Williams and her band Paramore, I still find that Petals For Armor is a masterpiece, a sophisticated work of art. By singing about emotions Hayley's record is soothing and therapeutic for me. To be honest, I cannot get enough of her voice either. My excitement was doubled by the recent release of Flower for Vases / descansons, a record I adore just as much as Petals for Armor.

    It is not just depression containing my pleasures


Talking about Hayley Williams, last year I was looking forward to seeing her live on her PfA tour, but then - as we all experienced firsthand - the pandemic happened and all tour dates were postponed. Even though I would love to see her live as soon as possible, I want COVID-19 to be kept at bay first. The common weal is more important for me than my pleasures.

The new virus SARS-CoV-2 changed a lot for me, as it did for all humans. Moving during a pandemic is stressful. Shopping for new furniture and other necessities is difficult. Finding the will to keep going is a path of trial and tribulation. But that is the agenda of living through a historical period. There is not much one can change, so I at least try to make the best out of it.

    Antidepressants come in all shapes and sizes


I do not want to end my new post with such a gloomy topic. In fact I have precisely two reasons to be happy. They are not exactly antidepressants, but they work just the same to brighten up my dark mood. And they bring me so much joy. My days are illuminated by my two cats, Boopy and Puzzles. I brought them home on the 21st of September in 2017, almost three and a half years ago.

Puzzles, my six year old boy, has gotten his first white whisker a couple of weeks ago. I am waiting for him to drop it so I can eventually frame it. The first two photos below show Puzzles, but without the white whisker as those were taken roughly one year ago. He is very talkative and full of love. I am in no way exaggerating when I say that he is napping for what feels like 22 hours a day.

You just know that he is physically not in the best shape, a direct result from the stroke he had before I got him from the animal shelter. But, I love him with all my heart and I would never ever change any of his traits, positive or negative. After all, I love sleeping all day, too.

My black cat Puzzles posing on my bed with his eyes open and his favorite toy next to him.My black cat Puzzles laying on my bed and smiling with his eyes closed while being illuminated by sunshine.

My black cat Boopy laying on my bed and looking into the sun.My black cat Boopy laying on my bed and looking into the sun with her paws stretched out in front of her.

    Cats are my kind of therapy


Boopy, who seems to only accept side profile photographs, is shown in the last two pictures above this paragraph. She is a female feline, two years younger than Puzzles and weighs half as much as he does. Her best features are activeness and weirdness. During summer she looks like a feline teenager with her tiny body, as she is overall a very small and lightweight cat. And she is as active as a kitten, loves to play and run around the apartment.

Unlike Puzzles she is very shy and does not meow much, although she is still able to fully show her love towards me. As promised I added my cats' photos to this post. Boopy is definitely made to be a model, I mean, look at her posing effortlessly. She is one of the most photogenic cats I have ever laid my eyes on. It is quite easy to capture her beauty, whereas one needs to make several attempts to take a good photograph of Puzzles because he just sleeps all day all cuddled up with his face hidden.

    Things are looking up


Still, I love both Boopy and Puzzles with all my heart. They are extremely beautiful cats, aren't they? And I get to spend the next years, hopefully at least a full decade, with those cuties - isn't that a reason to look up?

Comment below if you own (black) cats yourself and tell me a story about them! I would also love to hear about how you experienced the past months. Do you struggle much with the pandemic? Have you already developed coping mechanisms to handle living with the changes and the stress it brings? Please tell me in the comments!

xxxx Aga

4 comments:

  1. I love this post, your cats are gorgeous! I have two cats myself, Flo & Luna. They have a solid love/hate relationship with each other LOL. xx

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    1. Thank you very much!! Flo and Luna - beautiful names and I'm sure they are also beautiful cats! Sending nose boops their way xxxx Aga

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  2. I'm so sorry to here about your depression. I loved this post. I love that you were really honest in explaining how you feel. I know dealing with depression is far from being easy but I want you to know that life will throw lemons at us but it is most definitely our duty to make lemonades out of those lemons. I do agree with the fact that fighting against the voices in our heads can be tiring and energy-consuming so the break is much needed. Your cats look very cute too. Sending positive vibes your way x

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    1. Thank you so much for taking your time to leave such an extensive comment. I very much appreciate it!!

      You are absolutely right about the duty to make lemonades out of lemons thrown at us. I still struggle with my depression, but I've learned to not give in, to keep fighting. I know that I am currently in a better mental state because right now I see the possibility to make some lemonade.

      Depression is a hell of an illness and I hope by sharing my story I can help others fight those demons, too.

      Thank you again for your thorough comment, sending you many positive vibes!!

      xxxx Aga

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Salut et bonjour, feel free to comment! ♥